Much of my journey, since I made the decision to follow Christ, has been marked by obedience. Often obeying without any real sense of "why". Obeying because someone, a pastor, a counselor, a mentor, a friend, an author, someone who was farther along in their journey then I was in mine, said..."If you want to follow Christ, then do THIS, because THIS is what it looks like to follow Christ." And in spite of my doubts, fears, lack of understanding, confusion and general rebellion towards authority...I took a step.
There are numerous theological and psychological theories and explanations which could clarify how this action brought about change in my life, I'm going to stick with this...
I think that often the things that are shouting in our life are so loud that we can't hear God whispering to us. For me, the things that shouted the loudest were completely entangled and rooted in fear, self-reliance and rebellion. Every time I allowed myself to loosen my grasp, my clutch, in even the smallest way, on those ideas and behaviors that were not rooted in Christ...
I could hear this faint whisper...
Psalm 139:1-16Come Closer...Come Closer...Trust me...
Trust me with your time. Trust me with your money. Trust me with your job. Trust me with your home. Trust me with your family. Trust me with your children. Trust me with your body. Trust me with your heart. Trust me with your Soul. Trust me with your life.Trust me. Come close enough to hear My secret. The secret of the Ancient of Days, of Hidden Wisdom and Mystery, Of a Chosen People, of Saints and Generations, of the Beginning and the End.
Closer.
Closer.
I shouted it once on the Cross, but now I want you to be very still and hear...
Before you could discern the faintest sound of my voice muffled by the wind
Before you caught a glimpse of My Splendor from the corner of your eye
Before you had the awareness to turn your head to the sound in the distance
Before you felt a hint of my warmth on your face
Before you turned your feet
Before you had the strength to take a single step
Before you could fathom the desire of your heart
Before you were capapble of even uttering the word
love...
I knew you. I loved you. First.
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all of my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, to lofty for me to attain. where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say "surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you. For you created my innermost being: you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
