I wonder if I'm the only person who feels more guilty and condemned when I read the New Testament, then when I read the Old? I am much more comfortable with the stumblers of the Old Testament, who are always falling and failing, and clinging to the coat tails of God's mercy. The people who murder, worship idols, and do things that are abhorrent in the eyes of God ... and get disgusted, throw temper tantrums, feel sorry for themselves and whine. Sometimes all that peace, joy and love in the New Testament feels like a hammer beating me over the head.
That's what I'm supposed to look like?
I've got a long way to go.
Aren't Good Christians SUPPOSED to be full of love, peace, joy and gratitude? I think I hear more about trying to achieve this, or the expectation that a Christ-follower should look like this, than anything else. It is the hammer I beat myself over my own head with - and also the hammer I hear swung often, from outside of the Church.
Philippians 4 almost reads like a road map. This is the goal - to have peace in all circumstances. Rejoice and Pray and by God's grace you will have it...if that doesn't work, think good thoughts.
Is it really intended to be a directive on the ultimate Christian attitude? Am I supposed to be walking around in some sort of Shangri-la state of mind, living in a peaceful fog, with a smile on my face, regardless of my circumstances?
Sounds like a lobotomy.
I wonder if a lot of people are just as repelled at the thought of having to become like THIS, if they decide to follow Christ, as they are about having to follow all those rules, or of becoming like the "Christian hypocrites"?
Who really wants to live in Utopia?
So What's it all mean? Where do I fit - in the middle of being fully myself and human - and taking in and living out God's grace, joy and peace? Is the "model" I have in my mind truly accurate? Why is it so hard to keep the new testament from becoming the "New Rule Book"? Why is the word "SHOULD" always popping up in my mind - in between Paul's words?
I always end up with more questions than answers.
Philippians 4:4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy or praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of Peace will be with you.
