I wonder if I'm the only person who feels more guilty and condemned when I read the New Testament, then when I read the Old? I am much more comfortable with the stumblers of the Old Testament, who are always falling and failing, and clinging to the coat tails of God's mercy. The people who murder, worship idols, and do things that are abhorrent in the eyes of God ... and get disgusted, throw temper tantrums, feel sorry for themselves and whine. Sometimes all that peace, joy and love in the New Testament feels like a hammer beating me over the head.
That's what I'm supposed to look like?
I've got a long way to go.
Aren't Good Christians SUPPOSED to be full of love, peace, joy and gratitude? I think I hear more about trying to achieve this, or the expectation that a Christ-follower should look like this, than anything else. It is the hammer I beat myself over my own head with - and also the hammer I hear swung often, from outside of the Church.
Philippians 4 almost reads like a road map. This is the goal - to have peace in all circumstances. Rejoice and Pray and by God's grace you will have it...if that doesn't work, think good thoughts.
Is it really intended to be a directive on the ultimate Christian attitude? Am I supposed to be walking around in some sort of Shangri-la state of mind, living in a peaceful fog, with a smile on my face, regardless of my circumstances?
Sounds like a lobotomy.
I wonder if a lot of people are just as repelled at the thought of having to become like THIS, if they decide to follow Christ, as they are about having to follow all those rules, or of becoming like the "Christian hypocrites"?
Who really wants to live in Utopia?
So What's it all mean? Where do I fit - in the middle of being fully myself and human - and taking in and living out God's grace, joy and peace? Is the "model" I have in my mind truly accurate? Why is it so hard to keep the new testament from becoming the "New Rule Book"? Why is the word "SHOULD" always popping up in my mind - in between Paul's words?
I always end up with more questions than answers.
Philippians 4:4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy or praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of Peace will be with you.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Just ... No.
Deuteronomy 3:23-26
At that time I pleaded with the LORD: O Sovereign LORD, you have begun to show to your servant your Greatness and your strong hand. For what God is there on heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do? Let me go over and see the good land beyond the Jordan -the fine hill country and Lebanon. But because of you the LORD was angry with me and would not listen to me. “That is enough,” The LORD said. “Do not speak to me any more about this matter…”
In Exodus (3:1-10) God appears to Moses, through an angel, in a burning bush, and speaks - out loud - to him, for the first time.
In Exodus 3:11 Moses starts arguing with him. (seriously? - come on!)
Right from the start, Moses argues, reasons, and pleads with the LORD. There are number of different reasons for all that “back-talk”. Usually it has something to do with some outrageous sin the Israelites have committed. But not always. He throws himself facedown on the ground and pleads, petitions, argues, implores, reasons, disputes - over and over again.
And YAHWEH listens. He relents. He changes his mind.
Over 40 years, God speaks with Moses, face to face. And Moses is a true servant of God. It’s a relationship that seems almost incomprehensible to me in this time and this place.
And yet, in the end, when Moses is begging God to allow him to go into the promised land…
God says no.
Final word.
No.
The funny thing is, I can't find any solid explanation as to why. The story in Numbers 20:1-13 Doesn’t give me much to go on. The reason for God’s anger is vague, with no clear cause/effect correlation. And here, in Deuteronomy, Moses blames the Israelites. (That’s a whole other blog!)
It makes me wonder about God.
Who is this God who I can approach boldly, honestly, freely? A God who I can lay my life and heart out before. A God who is close, who listens, who is swayed by my petitions and even changes His mind. And yet, sometimes, even when my intentions are as pure as I can possibly make them, my arguments are as sound as they can be, for reasons that I can’t comprehend …
He says no.
It makes me wonder about myself.
What if I were convinced that I could pray hard enough, long enough, discipline myself and my intentions enough, and do everything just right. What if I thought that I could work at “it” and myself diligently, and could figure out just what would make God happy, avoid anything that would make him angry, and be good enough - and then - he would answer all my prayers and petitions with a “yes”…
It makes me wonder.
At that time I pleaded with the LORD: O Sovereign LORD, you have begun to show to your servant your Greatness and your strong hand. For what God is there on heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do? Let me go over and see the good land beyond the Jordan -the fine hill country and Lebanon. But because of you the LORD was angry with me and would not listen to me. “That is enough,” The LORD said. “Do not speak to me any more about this matter…”
In Exodus (3:1-10) God appears to Moses, through an angel, in a burning bush, and speaks - out loud - to him, for the first time.
In Exodus 3:11 Moses starts arguing with him. (seriously? - come on!)
Right from the start, Moses argues, reasons, and pleads with the LORD. There are number of different reasons for all that “back-talk”. Usually it has something to do with some outrageous sin the Israelites have committed. But not always. He throws himself facedown on the ground and pleads, petitions, argues, implores, reasons, disputes - over and over again.
And YAHWEH listens. He relents. He changes his mind.
Over 40 years, God speaks with Moses, face to face. And Moses is a true servant of God. It’s a relationship that seems almost incomprehensible to me in this time and this place.
And yet, in the end, when Moses is begging God to allow him to go into the promised land…
God says no.
Final word.
No.
The funny thing is, I can't find any solid explanation as to why. The story in Numbers 20:1-13 Doesn’t give me much to go on. The reason for God’s anger is vague, with no clear cause/effect correlation. And here, in Deuteronomy, Moses blames the Israelites. (That’s a whole other blog!)
It makes me wonder about God.
Who is this God who I can approach boldly, honestly, freely? A God who I can lay my life and heart out before. A God who is close, who listens, who is swayed by my petitions and even changes His mind. And yet, sometimes, even when my intentions are as pure as I can possibly make them, my arguments are as sound as they can be, for reasons that I can’t comprehend …
He says no.
It makes me wonder about myself.
What if I were convinced that I could pray hard enough, long enough, discipline myself and my intentions enough, and do everything just right. What if I thought that I could work at “it” and myself diligently, and could figure out just what would make God happy, avoid anything that would make him angry, and be good enough - and then - he would answer all my prayers and petitions with a “yes”…
It makes me wonder.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Waiting
I like answers.
I want to know why.
I want to know how.
I want to know when.
I want the plan.
How are we going to get there from here? What's the tentative time line?
I'll be fine as long as we've got a game plan.
The Israelites were in the desert for over two years working on the LORD's Tabernacle.
That's a tent you know.
It was a pretty intricate endeavor - hammering out all the architecture, rituals, sacrifices, laws and feasts - Getting this motley crew of fugitive's feet set in a direction, where they could even begin to resemble a people set apart by God, was quite the task.
But still, a tent.
And once it was ready, they waited on the LORD to move.
Then, when they moved...they were still just wandering in the wilderness for another 38 years or so...
Numbers 9:15-23
On the day the tabernacle, the Tent of the Testimony, was set up, the cloud covered it...Whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped...Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted they would set out. At the LORD's command they encamped, and at the LORD's command they set out. They obeyed the LORD's order, in accordance with his command through Moses.
I want to know why.
I want to know how.
I want to know when.
I want the plan.
How are we going to get there from here? What's the tentative time line?
I'll be fine as long as we've got a game plan.
The Israelites were in the desert for over two years working on the LORD's Tabernacle.
That's a tent you know.
It was a pretty intricate endeavor - hammering out all the architecture, rituals, sacrifices, laws and feasts - Getting this motley crew of fugitive's feet set in a direction, where they could even begin to resemble a people set apart by God, was quite the task.
But still, a tent.
And once it was ready, they waited on the LORD to move.
Then, when they moved...they were still just wandering in the wilderness for another 38 years or so...
Numbers 9:15-23
On the day the tabernacle, the Tent of the Testimony, was set up, the cloud covered it...Whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped...Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted they would set out. At the LORD's command they encamped, and at the LORD's command they set out. They obeyed the LORD's order, in accordance with his command through Moses.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Proof
For a long time, I looked at Jesus' healings as "proof".
As in: If you don't believe Jesus was actually the Son of God - then how did he do all of those magic healings?
Today, something stirs.
Like a soft, quiet breeze rustling through the leaves.
Just enough movement that glimpses of the sun sparkle through.
Jesus Heals.
What does it mean to trust your broken body, broken mind, broken heart, broken soul to the Savior of the World? To lay down all the jagged pieces before the Cross. Before the One who was rejected, despised, broken, abandoned, and slaughtered? To weep at His feet and feel his blood and tears wash over you? What does it mean to be held fast in those arms marked with scars?
Will our pain, sickness and suffering leave us as empty shells, brittle skeletons trying to shore ourselves up on the crutches of our own good works?
Who is this Messiah that heals the sick, mends the broken, comforts the hurting, sets the captive free and raises the dead?
Sometimes those stories from 2000 years ago seem like...stories.
But today, I think I'm beginning to take hold of the Proof.
Mark 5:1-8 (NKJV)
Then they came to the other side of the sea, to the country of the Gadarenes. And when He had come out of the boat, immediately there met Him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit, who had his dwelling amon the tombs; and no one could bind him, not even with chains, because he had often been bound with shackles and chains. And teh chains had been pulled apart by him, and the shackles broken in pieces; neither could anyone tame him. And always, night and day, he was in the mountains and in the tombs, crying out and cutting himself with stones. When he saw Jesus from afar, he ran and worshiped Him. And he cried out with a loud voice and said, "What have I to do with You, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore you by God that you do not torment me." For He said to him, "Come out of the man, unclean spirit!"
Mark 5:25-30 (NRSV)
Now there was a woman who had been suffering from hemorrhages for twelve years. She had endured much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. She had heard about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, for she said, 'If I but touch his clothes, I will be made well.' Immediately her hemorrhage stopped; and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease.
Mark 5: 39-42 (NKJV)
Then He came to the house of the ruler of the synagogue, and saw a tumult and those who wept and wailed loudly. When He came in, He said to them, "Why make this commotion and weep? The child is not dead, but sleeping."...Then He took the child by the hand, and said to her, "Talitha, cumi," which is translated, "Little girl, I say to you, arise." Immediately the girl arose and walked...
Mark 6:56 (NRSV)
And wherever he went, into villages or cities or farms, they laid the sick in the market-places, and begged him that they might touch even the fringe of His cloak; and all who touched it were healed.
As in: If you don't believe Jesus was actually the Son of God - then how did he do all of those magic healings?
Today, something stirs.
Like a soft, quiet breeze rustling through the leaves.
Just enough movement that glimpses of the sun sparkle through.
Jesus Heals.
What does it mean to trust your broken body, broken mind, broken heart, broken soul to the Savior of the World? To lay down all the jagged pieces before the Cross. Before the One who was rejected, despised, broken, abandoned, and slaughtered? To weep at His feet and feel his blood and tears wash over you? What does it mean to be held fast in those arms marked with scars?
Will our pain, sickness and suffering leave us as empty shells, brittle skeletons trying to shore ourselves up on the crutches of our own good works?
Who is this Messiah that heals the sick, mends the broken, comforts the hurting, sets the captive free and raises the dead?
Sometimes those stories from 2000 years ago seem like...stories.
But today, I think I'm beginning to take hold of the Proof.
Mark 5:1-8 (NKJV)
Then they came to the other side of the sea, to the country of the Gadarenes. And when He had come out of the boat, immediately there met Him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit, who had his dwelling amon the tombs; and no one could bind him, not even with chains, because he had often been bound with shackles and chains. And teh chains had been pulled apart by him, and the shackles broken in pieces; neither could anyone tame him. And always, night and day, he was in the mountains and in the tombs, crying out and cutting himself with stones. When he saw Jesus from afar, he ran and worshiped Him. And he cried out with a loud voice and said, "What have I to do with You, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore you by God that you do not torment me." For He said to him, "Come out of the man, unclean spirit!"
Mark 5:25-30 (NRSV)
Now there was a woman who had been suffering from hemorrhages for twelve years. She had endured much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. She had heard about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, for she said, 'If I but touch his clothes, I will be made well.' Immediately her hemorrhage stopped; and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease.
Mark 5: 39-42 (NKJV)
Then He came to the house of the ruler of the synagogue, and saw a tumult and those who wept and wailed loudly. When He came in, He said to them, "Why make this commotion and weep? The child is not dead, but sleeping."...Then He took the child by the hand, and said to her, "Talitha, cumi," which is translated, "Little girl, I say to you, arise." Immediately the girl arose and walked...
Mark 6:56 (NRSV)
And wherever he went, into villages or cities or farms, they laid the sick in the market-places, and begged him that they might touch even the fringe of His cloak; and all who touched it were healed.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Translations
But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles,they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31 (NRSV)
In the NIV this verse talks about "soaring" - I definitely prefer this version.
For a long time, I have carried the belief (hope?) that if I could get close enough to God, then I could soar above the worries of this life. Yes, bad things happen to good people, but I would be so close to God, so filled with the spirit, that peace would descend on me like a dove. After all, isn't that the goal? Peace that passes all understanding. No fear of death and calamity, no more tears, wisdom of the ages, serenity...
I am beginning to wonder.
It doesn't seem that Jesus was trying to arrange His life to result in His ultimate comfort and ease. It doesn't seem He loved well to ensure He would be loved well in return. It doesn't seem He did the next right thing to avoid the consequences of "bad choices". It doesn't seem he behaved responsibly to avoid the pitfalls of rash actions.
It gets muddled after a while. Am I living right as a call to love, or am I trying to ensure my own future security? Some people may think it doesn't matter, as long as you are living right.
I think it does.
I think there is great danger in relying on my own right actions to bring about certain rewards or blessings. I have a tendency to get very impatient when those blessings don't present themselves in a timely fashion or in the proper package. I think there is great danger in assuming that following Christ will bring ease or comfort or escape from pain.
It seems that Christ never took the path of least resistance. He ran full out towards pain, suffering, lonliness, sorrow, sacrifice...
There is a HUGE difference between "Mounting Up" and "Soaring".
Isaiah 40:31 (NRSV)
In the NIV this verse talks about "soaring" - I definitely prefer this version.
For a long time, I have carried the belief (hope?) that if I could get close enough to God, then I could soar above the worries of this life. Yes, bad things happen to good people, but I would be so close to God, so filled with the spirit, that peace would descend on me like a dove. After all, isn't that the goal? Peace that passes all understanding. No fear of death and calamity, no more tears, wisdom of the ages, serenity...
I am beginning to wonder.
It doesn't seem that Jesus was trying to arrange His life to result in His ultimate comfort and ease. It doesn't seem He loved well to ensure He would be loved well in return. It doesn't seem He did the next right thing to avoid the consequences of "bad choices". It doesn't seem he behaved responsibly to avoid the pitfalls of rash actions.
It gets muddled after a while. Am I living right as a call to love, or am I trying to ensure my own future security? Some people may think it doesn't matter, as long as you are living right.
I think it does.
I think there is great danger in relying on my own right actions to bring about certain rewards or blessings. I have a tendency to get very impatient when those blessings don't present themselves in a timely fashion or in the proper package. I think there is great danger in assuming that following Christ will bring ease or comfort or escape from pain.
It seems that Christ never took the path of least resistance. He ran full out towards pain, suffering, lonliness, sorrow, sacrifice...
There is a HUGE difference between "Mounting Up" and "Soaring".
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