My Story

I've been thinking a lot about "my story" lately. I am always hesitant to share it. I have fear, that I will put people off, that it will serve more to separate than connect. And yes, probably still, the fear that if you really knew the truth about me you would run away. Fast.

This morning I read Ephesians 3. It speaks to me about the mystery of grace and transformation. Not so much about personal transformation but about being transformed from an orphan in the world and being adopted into God's family. Jews, Gentiles, Saints, Sinners, past and present, living and dead - coming together, through Christ, into a Family of Believers. And it seems that the whole focal point of Paul's prayer,

is for us to get it.

To take in the incomprehensible love and acceptance that can not be earned or deserved, that is not contingent upon how well I follow the rules or whether or not I make "something of myself" in this life. That is there regardless of my past, present or future failures. There is something more, something deeper, a promise that rejection by the world, is not the end. There is love and relationship that is unlike anything I have experienced. And all Paul is really asking,

is for me to get it.

Ephesians 3:14-21

For this reason I kneel before the Father,

From whom His whole Family in heaven and on earth derives it's name.

I pray that out of His glorious riches

He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit

in your inner being,

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

And I pray that you,

being rooted and established in love,

may have power, together with all the saints,

to grasp how wide and long and high and deep

is the love of Christ,

and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-

that you may be filled to the measure

of all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do

immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,

according to His power

that is at work within us,

to Him be the Glory in the Church

and in Christ Jesus

throughout all generations,

for ever and ever!

Amen

"SO BIG!"

Rob Wegner has been teaching about fear in the last two weekend services. In, particular, about how God is "So big" to hold our life, death and future in His Hands. It's hard to grasp.

I've had this picture in my head since I was a child of the God who's "Got the whole world in his hands" (I'm not sure if it came from church...maybe a Coke commercial?). The image is of the hand of God cupped around the globe like one would hold a small rubber ball. God is so big, so huge, and his eyes are so far away-how does he see me? His hand is so large and strong-He could crush us all. Can He really keep track of us scurrying around down here like ants? This big God, was not comforting or knowable to me.

Now, as an adult, I am intentional about spending my time and shifting my focus so that I can see God with adult eyes, so that I can be in relationship with God as an "adult child". My prayer and spiritual disciplines are an effort to know and commune with God in reality - His reality - not mine. And oddly enough, it brings me back to a childhood experience.

I remember laying out in the middle of the field behind my grandmother's house.
A tree branch swaying in the breeze in the corner of my eye.
The wind rustling softly through the grass.
Clouds rolling lazily across the clear summer sky.
The warmth of the sun embracing me.
Cicadas and the chirping birds swimming in my ears.
The sweet smell of honey suckle and lilacs filling my senses.
And the Earth...pressed hard against my back.

For a moment...Vertigo.
I'm not sure if it is the clouds that are moving, or the earth.
For a moment...I cannot tell If I am connected to the earth or connected to the sky.

I realize that the rocky, bumpy surface beneath me is THE EARTH.
That I am touching the entire earth, and everything on it, as much as I possibly can, from head to toe. I can press myself into it, stretch my arms and legs as wide as they will go, turn over and dig in and inhale it, reach and grasp to take as much of it in as possible, rest in it's enormity, relax and take comfort in the strength of it's solidness...But it will always be THE EARTH and I will only be able to take in what is humanly possible.

And now...as an adult...I wonder if knowing God is like that?

I wonder if my endeavor as a human, is to see God as far as my eyes can see...to hear God as clearly as my ears can hear...to know God as well as my mind can comprehend...to feel God's presence as intimately as my heart can receive Him.

Always with the understanding that He is so much more.

He is "SO BIG".