My Way

1 Samuel 8:21,22
When Samuel heard all that the people said, he repeated it before the Lord.
The Lord answered "Listen to them and give them a king."

The story of Israel in 1 Samuel 8, resonates within me. They are tired. They want an easy answer, a quick solution. Following an unseen God, hoping in miracles, that seem to come to few and far between, trusting in people who always seem to fail them, the daily grind...chips away at their Faith. It clouds their memories of Grand Deliverance, Pillars of Fire, Parted Seas and Bread from Heaven. They look around at their neighbors...THEY have kings! THEY have gods you can see and touch! THEY have it so good. What about ME?

I wish it were not such a familiar lament.

It's amazingly easy for me to meld into this petulant child. If only I had a husband, or more money, a better job or education, better looks or a better body, respectful kids or a more supportive family, better friends, better connections....The list is endless. Sometimes (more often then I'd like to admit) I even find myself trying to "arrange" it. Take a square peg, and see if I can whittle the corners a little and cram it into a round hole. Just like the toy that toddlers play with, the little shape bucket, they get so frustrated trying to shove that star into the oval space.

There is always a sense of fear and panic.
What if I don't get what I want?
What if in the end, I am empty and alone and bitter...and all the rest of the world is smiling and laughing.

But lately, somewhere underneath all of the struggles and vain attempts to wrestle the world into my box. In the breath between the complaints and whining, comes another question.
What if what I want, isn't enough?
What if, like the Children of Israel, my desperate need for concrete solutions, is blocking the only True Answer?

The God of Abraham, Isaac and Moses, is more than Enough. The God of Miracles is Big Enough. The Determination of a God who Chose a Nation is Strong Enough. The Love of a God who Sees me, is Deep Enough.

And lately, there is another fear.
What if I insist on my own way, one too many times...
and God decides to let me have it?

Psalm 106:20
They exchanged their Glory
for an image of a bull, which eats grass.