It's all Good.

Leviticus 10:1,2
...They offered unauthorized fire before the Lord, contrary to his command. So fire came out from the presence of the Lord and consumed them and they died before the Lord.

1 Samuel 6:19
But God struck down some of the men of Beth Shemesh, putting seventy of them to death because they had looked into the Ark of the Lord.

Seems Harsh.

Sometimes, when I'm reading the bible, I have to stop and ask God
"What's the deal with that?"
I don't get it. I'm still new at this. It's hard to reconcile infinite love and grace with...

These men...were struck down and died of plague before the Lord.
Numbers 14:37

Maybe I should mind my own business and accept the fact that I'm not God. But, I still have some nagging questions.
Like, how bad do you have to be, to get struck down, personally, by the hand of God?

And I know some people, maybe a lot of people, have similar questions.
If God is so good and loving, then why...???

I don't have an answer.

But, somehow, when I step back from the scripture, far enough back that one instant and one situation begins to fade. The words and verses become blurry and melt into each other, and I no longer see one person or one moment in time, but I get a glimpse of Eternity... The questions become less urgent. And I think of my own moments.

Saturday morning, there were doors slamming in my house, and tear filled shouts of "I hate you mom!" (14 year old girls are a special blessing)
Saturday night, I held the same child in my arms while she was getting stitches.
Last week I had lunch with my dad and my sons.
I sat back, watching them talk and laugh, and remembered stormy days in my childhood with my dad, and stormy days with my boys.
Days, I wish, were not as dark as I recall.
I remember sitting at my own dining room table a couple of years ago.
Everyone in my house was angry, all the time. We were living in the same house, yet so far apart from each other.
My 16 year old son made an offhand remark, and everyone was laughing...for a moment.

My family, going back generations, has known brokenness. There has been anger, hurt, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, failure, sorrow, disappointment and loss. Sometimes, I ask why. Why is it that the people we were created to love, and care for above all others, are the people we hurt the most?
My family, going back generations, has loved. There has been joy, celebration, nurturing, protection, fierce loyalty, forgiveness, laughter, safety, healing and reconciliation. Sometimes, I wonder how. How do we hold on, through so much adversity? The ties seem so fragile.

In the end, there is no answer that is sufficient. There is only the understanding, that it is family, and it is good.

My questions about God's family and God's moments are the same.

Sometimes, I just don't get to know.

But I know that I am His and He is mine.
And sometimes, if I step back far enough, from trying to figure it all out...I feel myself drawn into forever. Where all of creation moves not only towards the Creator, but with and in relation to the Creator.

And it is all Good.

If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.
Romans 14:8

The Secret things belong to the Lord our God...
Deuteronomy 29:1