I know what it is like to feel that God is far away. Unreachable, unattainable. I know what it feels like to ask and not receive, to seek and not find. I know how it feels to wonder..."What am I doing wrong, why can't I find you?" I know how it feels to try, and try, and try...to get to Jesus... and feel like he is slipping farther away. A huge riddle, the kind that when the punch-line comes I can't believe I couldn't figure it out sooner...
but the punch-line never comes.
I know how it feels.
And I can't help but think that the Disciples, who were living and walking with Jesus, felt the same way. It's easy in hindsight, to think that the Disciples and the Jewish people were all terribly simple minded because Jesus was right there and they just didn't see it, or get it.
But I think, that they were very human.
And I think, that after Jesus was crucified and resurrected and the Apostles lay the groundwork for the "Church"...this amazing new Christ-Centered movement... It is easy, again in hindsight, to somehow, elevate them from poor, foolish commoners who couldn't see the forest through the trees...
to unreachable, untouchable, perfect Saints.
It's hard to see them clearly, realistically...and it distorts how I see myself. Or maybe it's the other way around? Maybe my view of the disciples is "either-or" because my view of myself is "either-or". Either I'm am hopelessly unworthy of the presence of God and cannot reach Him, or I am or perfect, without struggles, floating around on the clouds somewhere.
I think sometimes my interpretation of the bible, my life and my relationship with God goes a little awry, when I forget that the Saints...were human.
That they lived every day struggling to come to terms with God and Christ and the Holy Spirit, to get closer, to understand more. That the bible is actually a reflection of their struggle. That what the Authors of the bible are doing is wrestling with the Torah and God and the Spirit and the experience of Christ. Praying about it, Discussing it, journaling it, receiving insight, passing it on...and that the very same Spirit of God who was given to them, has not changed.
Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today and forever (Heb. 13:8).
I am joining in the struggle with the Saints as I pray, read, question, discuss, and draw conclusions and I am not alone in it. Not any more or less alone then Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Peter and Paul.
Is it only because I insist on making them more or less human, that I feel that way?
Is my view that the Authors of the bible have access to some "other", "better" form of the spirit of God than I do, a valid conclusion?
John 14:26
"But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you."
John 16:13
"But when He, the Spirit of Truth, comes, He will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on His own; He will speak only what He hears and He will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring Glory to me by taking from what is Mine and making it known to you. All that belongs to the Father is Mine. That is why I said the Spirit will take from what is Mine and make it known to you."
John 17:17
"Sanctify them by truth; Your word is truth."
1 comment:
So, you mean the Saints aren't like one step down from Jesus?! They were common fishermen? So how did they start the church?!
I can relate. If I see someone who is obviously on fire for God, following Him passionately, I tend to forget that person's humanity. I tend to forget that she still wrestles, questions, doubts, cries and feels far from God at times.
It truly is incredible that God uses the most 'ordinary' people to do such extraordinary things.
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