...See All The People

Now when the builders had laid the foundation of the temple of the LORD, the priests stood in their apparel with trumpets, and the Levites, the sons of Asaph, with cymbals, to praise the LORD according to the directions of King David of Israel. They sang, praising and giving thanks to the LORD, saying, “For He is good, for His lovingkindness is upon Israel forever.” And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the LORD because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid. _{Ezra 3:10-11}

The Temple of Yahweh.
The Chosen People of God.
The Church.

In Ezra 3:10 The people of God return to Jerusalem after 70 years of exile in Babylon; A younger generation, born in captivity, tasting for the first time the sweetness of freedom and promise; An older generation, returning home, carrying the weight and the glory of the history of their people.

The People of God.

The foundation of this Temple is the foundation of the Church we stand on today.

In this Temple: A twelve year old Jesus of Nazareth will astound scholars.
In this Temple: The Messiah will violently dispel money changers.
In this Temple: Leaders will conspire to crucify a man they mock as "King of the Jews".This temple, like the one that precedes it, will fall at the hand of a pagan Emperor.

But, in Ezra 3 the people of God come together to build a church.
A younger generation with shouts of triumph, carrying hope for the future.
An older generation with wails of sorrow, carrying the story of the past.

God's People.
Pouring all that they have, all that they are, and all that they hope to be
into the foundation of a building.

Yet many of the priests and Levites and heads of fathers’ households, the old men who had seen the first temple, wept with a loud voice when the foundation of this house was laid before their eyes, while many shouted aloud for joy, so that the people could not distinguish the sound of the shout of joy from the sound of the weeping of the people, for the people shouted with a loud shout, and the sound was heard far away. _{Ezra 3:12-13}

Their voices and their hearts crying out the eternal truth: A building made by the hands of men will never be The Church, and The People of God will forever be...

Glorious failures.

Does God REALLY do THAT???

A brief summary of a few events in 2^nd Kings 1-6

Elijah (prophet of the LORD):

Receives a direct message (by angel) from God • Gives a death decree from the LORD (which is fulfilled) •Kills 102 (by my calculations) men with “fire from heaven” • Parts the Jordan river, with a rolled up cloak • Is taken to heaven (while he is still alive) on a fiery chariot (horses and all)…in a whirlwind

Elisha (Elijah’s successor):

Parts the Jordan (with Elijah’s cloak) •Purifies a poisonous stream, and some poisonous stew - with a little salt and flour • Curses a group of boys, in the name of the LORD, which results in a bear mauling 42 of them • Serves as a conduit of God’s “voice” which proclaims He will fill the land with water – without wind or rain (and then actually does it) • Instructs a woman to fill every vessel in town with oil from one small jar • Declares a woman will conceive, then later brings her dead son (the result of her conception) back to life by praying to the LORD • Cures a man (who is very uncooperative) of leprosy…then inflicts another man (along with his descendants, FOREVER) with the very same leprosy •Causes an iron axe head to float on water • Prays – and the eyes of his servant are opened to see a heavenly army (More fiery chariots & horses) • Then completely blinds the enemy army…

Once I catch my breath - I’m left with a few questions, like…Does God REALLY do THAT??

Did He do it back then but doesn’t do it anymore? Are these stories fairy tales and fables to get children (and adults) to behave? Is this for real?

What if it is?

Does God really come close enough to speak to (and through) us? Close enough to send angels, heal the sick and feed the hungry? Close enough to rescue the widow & orphan, perform miracles, give signs and protect the innocent? Close enough to… punish the wicked…give life… take life … raise the dead?

Maybe, underneath all the analysis, contemplation, and debate concerning the bible – there’s only one real question.

How close are you God? – really?

Ordinary People (Part 2)

So, Naomi is lost in grief and hopelessness and Ruth does something ... unexpected.

Maybe it is rooted in her own best interest, maybe her family is no family she wants to go home to. Maybe it's pride, who wants to go home a widow with no children to show for a 10 year marriage? Maybe over the years she has formed such a strong love for Naomi that she is willing to risk her own future, rather than suffer the loss of the relationship. Maybe it was truly selfless. This young girl, who is not even a Hebrew and doesn't know the God of Israel, recognizes Naomi's need, and sacrifices her own security to walk alongside her.

So Naomi returned together with Ruth the Moabite... Ruth 1:22

Things get rather interesting after that. Naomi sets about instructing Ruth on - what COULD be interpreted as - seducing a husband. But, as I am drawn in and caught up by this story; my heart beats with the kind of longing and hope that only the greatest of love stories inspire. Twilight, Titanic, or more to my taste, Wuthering Heights, and Gone With The Wind. The kind of love stories that whisper to the deepest part of us - that we are not alone. That...

God sets the lonely in families... Psalms 68:6

Something else that is very interesting, that may not jump out at you right away, is that unlike most of the Old Testament, YAHWEH never shows up at all. No burning bushes or parting waters. No lions dens, talking donkeys or whale rides. No floods, fires, pillars of salt, grand victories, or smiting of the wicked. The Book of Ruth is all about humans... being very...

Human.

A young woman, struggling with her own loss and insecurity, finds a way to stand by an old woman, who is in desperate need. A lonely and broken widow, finds a way through her own sorrow and grief, to impart wisdom, and help secure a future for a young girl, who is a stranger in a strange land. A powerful man who, instead of taking and abusing, chooses to walk in righteousness. A man who stands tall to defend, protect, and take up the battle of the widow and the orphan.

..."Wait my daughter, until you learn how the matter turns out, for the man will not rest, but will settle the matter today." Ruth 3:18

Then suddenly, this brief, seemingly insignificant, 3000 year old snap shot of a few obscure characters, draws to a close. As swiftly as the sand of the ancient middle eastern desert, slipping through our fingers:

So Boaz took Ruth and she became his wife. When they came together, the LORD made her conceive, and she bore a son. then the women said to Naomi, "Blessed be the LORD, who has not left this day without next-of-kin; and may His name be renowned in Israel! Ruth 4:13-14

And I am struck with the utter plainness, of a few ordinary people, who found themselves swept into the very center - of God's Extraordinary story.

Maybe Naomi was right after all.

Now these are the descendants of Perez: Perez became the father of Hezron, Hezron of Ram, Ram o fAmminadab, Amminadab of Nahshon, Nahshon of Salmon, Salmon of Boaz, Boaz of Obed, Obed of Jesse, and Jesse of David.
Ruth 4:18-21

Ordinary People (Part 1)

In the book of Ruth there is a famine which causes Naomi, along with her husband and two sons, to leave their home and go to a foreign land. This land was...strange. A strange land, filled with strange people, who worshiped strange gods, and had a rather sketchy history with Israel. Over the course of time, Naomi's husband and both sons die and she is left alone here.

A devastating, terrifying situation for a woman at this point in history.

Naomi's only hope is to return to her own land and family. According to custom, her widowed daughters-in-law should return to their families in (desperate) hope of finding new husbands. One daughter-in-law chooses to stay with Naomi and journey to Bethlehem. Here, much of the focus in this story shifts to Ruth, but I'd like to stay with Naomi for a bit...

This is what Naomi has to say about the fate that has befallen her:

Even if I thought there was hope for me...(Ruth 1:12) It has been far more bitter for me than it has for you, because YAHWEH has turned against me. (1:13) Call me no longer Naomi (pleasant), call me Mara (bitter), for the Almighty has dealt bitterly with me. I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty; why call me Naomi when Yahweh has dealt harshly with me, and the Almighty has brought calamity on me? (1:20-21)

God and Pain.

There's an odd thing about today's Christian and pain - we're really uncomfortable "blaming" God. We want to divorce God from pain. We spend a lot of time analyzing where God is when it hurts, or why bad things happen to good people. But in the end, ultimate blame is attributed to sin, or Satan or a fallen world...

Naomi knew nothing of this.

In Naomi's time - and long, long before Naomi's time - all ancient people believed that "gods" were responsible for everything. There was no such thing as an atheist, or an agnostic, or a distant god. The question was never IF there was a god, or WOULD a god intervene - there was only one question; WHICH god.

Maybe this concept is difficult for us because we have much more knowledge of the workings of the universe. Or maybe it's because we are so self-sufficient and self-reliant. Maybe we dismiss the world view of the ancients as incomplete because this kind of thinking brings God very...very...

near.

Naomi lived out of a belief system that said:
Yahweh, the One True God, All Powerful, All Present, Creator of heaven, earth and all of the universe, has WILLED and DESIGNED my life to be a journey of hunger, pain, loss, fear, insecurity and instability.

What if she is right?

Oh...THAT IS funny! (i think)

Jonah 1:17 & 2:10
But the LORD provided a large fish to swallow up Jonah; and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights...Then the LORD spoke to the fish, and it spewed Jonah out upon the dry land.

There are many different ways to respond to "incidents" like this in the the bible:

1. The 100% Literal approach - The Bible says it, I believe it, end of discussion!
2. The philosophical approach - This may be a metaphorical illustration of death or death to self...
3. The analytical approach - Do you realize that a Sumerian mythological text views the underworld as being a three-day journey from the land of the living?
4. The intellectual approach - It has been proven that it is possible for a human to survive inside of a whale, the whale may not even have swallowed him, I saw it on discovery channel!
5. The ostrich approach - I don't get it. I'm going to brush past this part as quickly as possible and try to get to the "real" point of the scripture.

Maybe our methods of reading the scripture say a lot more about who we are, than who God is.

When I read this passage about Jonah and the BIG FISH... I laugh... out loud! I can't help but ask; God....Whats up with THAT??? (seriously, is this a joke?)

God's given us this incredible rich history of Him and His love for us, close to a couple of thousand years of documented relationship between Him and humans. He's given us The Bible - His Word to us, everything we need... to KNOW Him. We're supposed to read it. Then He puts in stuff like people living inside of big fish for 3 days.

If You want us to KNOW You, why do You throw in stuff that You KNOW we don't get?!!

As I laugh, I sense that God is laughing with me.

Yeah, I don't get it.

There is so much about God that I will never get. I will try every approach I know to pin Him down, hem Him in, conform Him to MY ideas,...and He will always be bigger, and beyond and more than I can comprehend or imagine.

Yeah, I don't get it ... isn't that great! :)

Hammers and Lobotomies and Stuff

I wonder if I'm the only person who feels more guilty and condemned when I read the New Testament, then when I read the Old? I am much more comfortable with the stumblers of the Old Testament, who are always falling and failing, and clinging to the coat tails of God's mercy. The people who murder, worship idols, and do things that are abhorrent in the eyes of God ... and get disgusted, throw temper tantrums, feel sorry for themselves and whine. Sometimes all that peace, joy and love in the New Testament feels like a hammer beating me over the head.

That's what I'm supposed to look like?

I've got a long way to go.

Aren't Good Christians SUPPOSED to be full of love, peace, joy and gratitude? I think I hear more about trying to achieve this, or the expectation that a Christ-follower should look like this, than anything else. It is the hammer I beat myself over my own head with - and also the hammer I hear swung often, from outside of the Church.

Philippians 4 almost reads like a road map. This is the goal - to have peace in all circumstances. Rejoice and Pray and by God's grace you will have it...if that doesn't work, think good thoughts.

Is it really intended to be a directive on the ultimate Christian attitude? Am I supposed to be walking around in some sort of Shangri-la state of mind, living in a peaceful fog, with a smile on my face, regardless of my circumstances?

Sounds like a lobotomy.

I wonder if a lot of people are just as repelled at the thought of having to become like THIS, if they decide to follow Christ, as they are about having to follow all those rules, or of becoming like the "Christian hypocrites"?

Who really wants to live in Utopia?

So What's it all mean? Where do I fit - in the middle of being fully myself and human - and taking in and living out God's grace, joy and peace? Is the "model" I have in my mind truly accurate? Why is it so hard to keep the new testament from becoming the "New Rule Book"? Why is the word "SHOULD" always popping up in my mind - in between Paul's words?

I always end up with more questions than answers.

Philippians 4:4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy or praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of Peace will be with you.

Just ... No.

Deuteronomy 3:23-26
At that time I pleaded with the LORD: O Sovereign LORD, you have begun to show to your servant your Greatness and your strong hand. For what God is there on heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do? Let me go over and see the good land beyond the Jordan -the fine hill country and Lebanon. But because of you the LORD was angry with me and would not listen to me. “That is enough,” The LORD said. “Do not speak to me any more about this matter…”

In Exodus (3:1-10) God appears to Moses, through an angel, in a burning bush, and speaks - out loud - to him, for the first time.

In Exodus 3:11 Moses starts arguing with him. (seriously? - come on!)

Right from the start, Moses argues, reasons, and pleads with the LORD. There are number of different reasons for all that “back-talk”. Usually it has something to do with some outrageous sin the Israelites have committed. But not always. He throws himself facedown on the ground and pleads, petitions, argues, implores, reasons, disputes - over and over again.

And YAHWEH listens. He relents. He changes his mind.

Over 40 years, God speaks with Moses, face to face. And Moses is a true servant of God. It’s a relationship that seems almost incomprehensible to me in this time and this place.
And yet, in the end, when Moses is begging God to allow him to go into the promised land…

God says no.

Final word.

No.

The funny thing is, I can't find any solid explanation as to why. The story in Numbers 20:1-13 Doesn’t give me much to go on. The reason for God’s anger is vague, with no clear cause/effect correlation. And here, in Deuteronomy, Moses blames the Israelites. (That’s a whole other blog!)

It makes me wonder about God.

Who is this God who I can approach boldly, honestly, freely? A God who I can lay my life and heart out before. A God who is close, who listens, who is swayed by my petitions and even changes His mind. And yet, sometimes, even when my intentions are as pure as I can possibly make them, my arguments are as sound as they can be, for reasons that I can’t comprehend …

He says no.

It makes me wonder about myself.

What if I were convinced that I could pray hard enough, long enough, discipline myself and my intentions enough, and do everything just right. What if I thought that I could work at “it” and myself diligently, and could figure out just what would make God happy, avoid anything that would make him angry, and be good enough - and then - he would answer all my prayers and petitions with a “yes”…

It makes me wonder.

Waiting

I like answers.
I want to know why.
I want to know how.
I want to know when.
I want the plan.
How are we going to get there from here? What's the tentative time line?
I'll be fine as long as we've got a game plan.

The Israelites were in the desert for over two years working on the LORD's Tabernacle.

That's a tent you know.

It was a pretty intricate endeavor - hammering out all the architecture, rituals, sacrifices, laws and feasts - Getting this motley crew of fugitive's feet set in a direction, where they could even begin to resemble a people set apart by God, was quite the task.

But still, a tent.

And once it was ready, they waited on the LORD to move.

Then, when they moved...they were still just wandering in the wilderness for another 38 years or so...

Numbers 9:15-23
On the day the tabernacle, the Tent of the Testimony, was set up, the cloud covered it...Whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped...Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted they would set out. At the LORD's command they encamped, and at the LORD's command they set out. They obeyed the LORD's order, in accordance with his command through Moses.

Proof

For a long time, I looked at Jesus' healings as "proof".
As in: If you don't believe Jesus was actually the Son of God - then how did he do all of those magic healings?

Today, something stirs.
Like a soft, quiet breeze rustling through the leaves.
Just enough movement that glimpses of the sun sparkle through.

Jesus Heals.

What does it mean to trust your broken body, broken mind, broken heart, broken soul to the Savior of the World? To lay down all the jagged pieces before the Cross. Before the One who was rejected, despised, broken, abandoned, and slaughtered? To weep at His feet and feel his blood and tears wash over you? What does it mean to be held fast in those arms marked with scars?

Will our pain, sickness and suffering leave us as empty shells, brittle skeletons trying to shore ourselves up on the crutches of our own good works?

Who is this Messiah that heals the sick, mends the broken, comforts the hurting, sets the captive free and raises the dead?

Sometimes those stories from 2000 years ago seem like...stories.

But today, I think I'm beginning to take hold of the Proof.

Mark 5:1-8 (NKJV)
Then they came to the other side of the sea, to the country of the Gadarenes. And when He had come out of the boat, immediately there met Him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit, who had his dwelling amon the tombs; and no one could bind him, not even with chains, because he had often been bound with shackles and chains. And teh chains had been pulled apart by him, and the shackles broken in pieces; neither could anyone tame him. And always, night and day, he was in the mountains and in the tombs, crying out and cutting himself with stones. When he saw Jesus from afar, he ran and worshiped Him. And he cried out with a loud voice and said, "What have I to do with You, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore you by God that you do not torment me." For He said to him, "Come out of the man, unclean spirit!"

Mark 5:25-30 (NRSV)
Now there was a woman who had been suffering from hemorrhages for twelve years. She had endured much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. She had heard about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, for she said, 'If I but touch his clothes, I will be made well.' Immediately her hemorrhage stopped; and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease.

Mark 5: 39-42 (NKJV)
Then He came to the house of the ruler of the synagogue, and saw a tumult and those who wept and wailed loudly. When He came in, He said to them, "Why make this commotion and weep? The child is not dead, but sleeping."...Then He took the child by the hand, and said to her, "Talitha, cumi," which is translated, "Little girl, I say to you, arise." Immediately the girl arose and walked...

Mark 6:56 (NRSV)
And wherever he went, into villages or cities or farms, they laid the sick in the market-places, and begged him that they might touch even the fringe of His cloak; and all who touched it were healed.

Translations

But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles,they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31 (NRSV)

In the NIV this verse talks about "soaring" - I definitely prefer this version.

For a long time, I have carried the belief (hope?) that if I could get close enough to God, then I could soar above the worries of this life. Yes, bad things happen to good people, but I would be so close to God, so filled with the spirit, that peace would descend on me like a dove. After all, isn't that the goal? Peace that passes all understanding. No fear of death and calamity, no more tears, wisdom of the ages, serenity...

I am beginning to wonder.

It doesn't seem that Jesus was trying to arrange His life to result in His ultimate comfort and ease. It doesn't seem He loved well to ensure He would be loved well in return. It doesn't seem He did the next right thing to avoid the consequences of "bad choices". It doesn't seem he behaved responsibly to avoid the pitfalls of rash actions.

It gets muddled after a while. Am I living right as a call to love, or am I trying to ensure my own future security? Some people may think it doesn't matter, as long as you are living right.

I think it does.

I think there is great danger in relying on my own right actions to bring about certain rewards or blessings. I have a tendency to get very impatient when those blessings don't present themselves in a timely fashion or in the proper package. I think there is great danger in assuming that following Christ will bring ease or comfort or escape from pain.

It seems that Christ never took the path of least resistance. He ran full out towards pain, suffering, lonliness, sorrow, sacrifice...

There is a HUGE difference between "Mounting Up" and "Soaring".

Whispers

I spoke with a co-worker last night about sin and hell and rules and obedience and grace. Tricky conversation, dashing in and out of the kitchen. Things are left unsaid, unexplored...

Much of my journey, since I made the decision to follow Christ, has been marked by obedience. Often obeying without any real sense of "why". Obeying because someone, a pastor, a counselor, a mentor, a friend, an author, someone who was farther along in their journey then I was in mine, said..."If you want to follow Christ, then do THIS, because THIS is what it looks like to follow Christ." And in spite of my doubts, fears, lack of understanding, confusion and general rebellion towards authority...I took a step.

There are numerous theological and psychological theories and explanations which could clarify how this action brought about change in my life, I'm going to stick with this...

I think that often the things that are shouting in our life are so loud that we can't hear God whispering to us. For me, the things that shouted the loudest were completely entangled and rooted in fear, self-reliance and rebellion. Every time I allowed myself to loosen my grasp, my clutch, in even the smallest way, on those ideas and behaviors that were not rooted in Christ...

I could hear this faint whisper...

Come Closer...Come Closer...Trust me...

Trust me with your time. Trust me with your money. Trust me with your job. Trust me with your home. Trust me with your family. Trust me with your children. Trust me with your body. Trust me with your heart. Trust me with your Soul. Trust me with your life.

Trust me. Come close enough to hear My secret. The secret of the Ancient of Days, of Hidden Wisdom and Mystery, Of a Chosen People, of Saints and Generations, of the Beginning and the End.

Closer.
Closer.
I shouted it once on the Cross, but now I want you to be very still and hear...

Before you could discern the faintest sound of my voice muffled by the wind
Before you caught a glimpse of My Splendor from the corner of your eye
Before you had the awareness to turn your head to the sound in the distance
Before you felt a hint of my warmth on your face
Before you turned your feet
Before you had the strength to take a single step
Before you could fathom the desire of your heart
Before you were capapble of even uttering the word
love...

I knew you. I loved you. First.

Psalm 139:1-16
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all of my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, to lofty for me to attain. where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say "surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you. For you created my innermost being: you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Temptation

I find myself tempted to think about "steps."
How did I get here from there?

There's always a temptation to hold onto the way, rather than to hold onto Jesus.

Israel was given a way. A way to return to trust and dependence on the One True God.
Isreal, like many religions, and like me, gave into the temptation to rely on themselves and their way. They lost sight of the God who created them. They lost sight of the God who created the way.

The truth is, everyone has a next step towards Christ.
Whatever that step may be, God is faithful.
YHWH meets us in Grand and Miraculous ways.
My desire is to abandon myself to the reality that:

ALL I can do is take one more step.

For I delight in the Law of God in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the laws of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?
Romans 7:22-24

But if Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also through His Spirit that dwells in you. So then, brothers and sisters, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh - for if you live according to the flesh you will die; But if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.
Romans 8:10-14

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:37-39

Good Night

We stayed home tonight.

We raked the yard, had dinner and visited my grandmother in the nursing home. I talked to my mom and dad on the phone. Alexa baked brownies. Anthony and Aidan played a video game together. We all laughed at a story Alexa and Anthony told about their day at school. Aidan told us about his field trip to the corn maze, not so funny, but very muddy...which is even better for as far as he's concerned.

OK, one kid got grounded from tv. for being hateful, and one made sure we all knew how incredibly stupid he thinks raking is...we don't live in Mayberry.

But, as everyone heads off for bed, I sit with tears of gratitude. God is good, God is faithful, I am blessed.

Tonight did not happen out of the blue. Tonight did not happen because we're lucky. Tonight was a result of steps. Baby steps. One after another, walking towards Jesus. Eyes locked on the face of love, the face of grace and forgiveness. While I teetered along, barely able to keep my balance, and before I could even stand, when all I could manage to do was turn my head to his voice ....

Jesus was running, arms outstretched, racing to embrace me.

The God of Creation. The God of Abraham, Isaac and Moses. The God of Miracles. The God who delivers. The God who saves. The God who heals. The God who sees me. The same yesterday, today and forever.

God came to me.

It was a good night.

My Story

I've been thinking a lot about "my story" lately. I am always hesitant to share it. I have fear, that I will put people off, that it will serve more to separate than connect. And yes, probably still, the fear that if you really knew the truth about me you would run away. Fast.

This morning I read Ephesians 3. It speaks to me about the mystery of grace and transformation. Not so much about personal transformation but about being transformed from an orphan in the world and being adopted into God's family. Jews, Gentiles, Saints, Sinners, past and present, living and dead - coming together, through Christ, into a Family of Believers. And it seems that the whole focal point of Paul's prayer,

is for us to get it.

To take in the incomprehensible love and acceptance that can not be earned or deserved, that is not contingent upon how well I follow the rules or whether or not I make "something of myself" in this life. That is there regardless of my past, present or future failures. There is something more, something deeper, a promise that rejection by the world, is not the end. There is love and relationship that is unlike anything I have experienced. And all Paul is really asking,

is for me to get it.

Ephesians 3:14-21

For this reason I kneel before the Father,

From whom His whole Family in heaven and on earth derives it's name.

I pray that out of His glorious riches

He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit

in your inner being,

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

And I pray that you,

being rooted and established in love,

may have power, together with all the saints,

to grasp how wide and long and high and deep

is the love of Christ,

and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-

that you may be filled to the measure

of all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do

immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,

according to His power

that is at work within us,

to Him be the Glory in the Church

and in Christ Jesus

throughout all generations,

for ever and ever!

Amen

"SO BIG!"

Rob Wegner has been teaching about fear in the last two weekend services. In, particular, about how God is "So big" to hold our life, death and future in His Hands. It's hard to grasp.

I've had this picture in my head since I was a child of the God who's "Got the whole world in his hands" (I'm not sure if it came from church...maybe a Coke commercial?). The image is of the hand of God cupped around the globe like one would hold a small rubber ball. God is so big, so huge, and his eyes are so far away-how does he see me? His hand is so large and strong-He could crush us all. Can He really keep track of us scurrying around down here like ants? This big God, was not comforting or knowable to me.

Now, as an adult, I am intentional about spending my time and shifting my focus so that I can see God with adult eyes, so that I can be in relationship with God as an "adult child". My prayer and spiritual disciplines are an effort to know and commune with God in reality - His reality - not mine. And oddly enough, it brings me back to a childhood experience.

I remember laying out in the middle of the field behind my grandmother's house.
A tree branch swaying in the breeze in the corner of my eye.
The wind rustling softly through the grass.
Clouds rolling lazily across the clear summer sky.
The warmth of the sun embracing me.
Cicadas and the chirping birds swimming in my ears.
The sweet smell of honey suckle and lilacs filling my senses.
And the Earth...pressed hard against my back.

For a moment...Vertigo.
I'm not sure if it is the clouds that are moving, or the earth.
For a moment...I cannot tell If I am connected to the earth or connected to the sky.

I realize that the rocky, bumpy surface beneath me is THE EARTH.
That I am touching the entire earth, and everything on it, as much as I possibly can, from head to toe. I can press myself into it, stretch my arms and legs as wide as they will go, turn over and dig in and inhale it, reach and grasp to take as much of it in as possible, rest in it's enormity, relax and take comfort in the strength of it's solidness...But it will always be THE EARTH and I will only be able to take in what is humanly possible.

And now...as an adult...I wonder if knowing God is like that?

I wonder if my endeavor as a human, is to see God as far as my eyes can see...to hear God as clearly as my ears can hear...to know God as well as my mind can comprehend...to feel God's presence as intimately as my heart can receive Him.

Always with the understanding that He is so much more.

He is "SO BIG".

Politics

The following is an excerpt of an article by written by Cameron Strang in this month's issue of Relevant Magazine. Which, btw, is more than worth the very reasonable subscription price!

"...I've realized I cannot fully embrace either political party. Both sides of the aisle have some great ideas and goals. But both also have areas where they simply get it wrong...I also know that, historically, real, lasting change has started first at the grassroots level long before it was ever legislated. Cultural mindshifts influence Washington, not the other way around...Are the government leaders we vote for meant to do our job for us?

If God has given you a heart for the poor, or to see a reduction in the number of abortions, or to promote peace, or to help the sick or to stand for strong moral values, or to be a better steward of the enviornment, than your personal focus needs to be on that-whether or not the President shares your same values...

Could it be that the loss of religious freedoms would ultimately be the best thing for American Christians because it would cause us to stand on our own feet rather than relying on the government to legislate our faith and values for us?

I've heard that only 5 percent of people who attend church reglularly actually serve in any way. I've read that if every Christian in America actually tithed 10 percent of their income, we would have enough financial resources to wipe out global poverty. There's more power lying dormant in pews around the nation than any government could hope to provide...

Christians should be focused on personal action regardless of legislation, not just waiting for the right number of Supreme Court Justices to come along...

Vote your convictions and let your voice be heard...But don't let politics breed division, or make you see people in a different light...

If you have a passion for an issue, rather than judging someone who doesn't share that passion or viewpoint, just go do something about it. Give your life to it. Be the change you want to see...

Remember that our leaders and Country do not define us.
It's not up to Washington it's up to us-and I say we step up and lead the charge...with our lives, our finances and our actions every day.
Not just Nov. 4"

Yeah! What he said!!!
And that was only the editorial page!

This may be the last time I chime in on politics this election season...or maybe not.

Let Me tell You about My Son!

Anthony is 17 years old. He is a highly intelligent young man with a quick, sharp-witted sense of humor. A practical joker, he keeps me laughing all the time. He is well mannered and considerate and respectful of other peoples feelings and beliefs. He is an independent thinker, and will not settle for easy, cookie-cutter answers. He is a non-conformist. He can spot a hypocrite or phony a mile away. He cares about his friends and family and his future. Of course, being his mother, I could go on and on.

Him and I had a conversation earlier today in which he posed this question to me...
"What's the difference between smoking pot and eating McDonald's?"
(Did I mention that I love him?!)

My answer was:
Nothing.

Of course, smoking pot has, what seem to be, more dramatic consequences than eating McDonalds...However, I think Anthony and I are both in agreement that "sin is sin". Anything that we do in opposition to God's will, God's order, God's command, is sin. I think it is our desperate need to rationalize our own sin that causes us to begin to make classifications.

Like...
Gossiping about my neighbor is not AS BAD as killing my neighbor.
Judgement and hate are not AS BAD as Abortion or Prejudice.
Heterosexual sin is not AS BAD as homosexual sin.
Polluting the earth is not AS BAD as polluting the mind with...
(whatever it is you think the youth of today are polluting their minds with)
Filling our bodies with junk food is not AS BAD as smoking pot.

I'm so glad that Anthony is thinking, questioning, willing to explore what he believes and why. I'm glad that he will not settle for an empty, rootless faith. I believe that in time, he will find the answer he's looking for. I believe he will come to the inevitable conclusion that there is one constant truth and order for all of the earth. The unshakable truth of the living God of creation who is close and active in our lives.

And did I mention that I love him?

John 8:7
...If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone...

Extra Chores

Tuesday is "Chore Day" at my house. A good time is had by all. This particular Tuesday was especially enjoyable as my two younger children not only spent the entire morning complaining about having to do chores (as if we don't do it every week), but also fighting and bickering with each other. I was listening to them from the kitchen (where I was doing the laundry-without complaint). They were being downright hateful to each other, it was getting ugly, over...seriously...who was going to take the first shower. I couldn't help but laugh quietly to myself because it was just so silly and because I was in possession of some information which neither of them were aware of. Namely, that I had already decided, based on the scheduling needs of everyone in the house, exactly what order children would be taking their showers in.

So, because I am a kind, loving mother, I decided to bring them into the living room and inform them... that would solve everything. I gently called to them so that I could impart my generous wisdom upon them. I had the entire speech planned out and I felt confident that once my little angels were apprised of the situation, peace and joy would be restored to the household. In my mind it looked something like this...

My dear, beloved children, cease your strife and arguing! It is to no avail. For I, your loving and wise mother, will reveal my will for you. I hold the key to your future plans and I have predetermined the shower schedule for the day. I have a plan, it's a good plan, a plan to prosper you, not to harm you. A plan to bring order and peace to the entire household. Trust in me. Do the work of your hands with diligence and pride, and be loving toward each other as I have loved you...

Here's what it really looked liked...
HE said this!!! SHE called me that!!! HE did this!!! SHE threw that!!! He ALWAYS gets his way!!! She NEVER gets in trouble!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!! I HATE him/her!!!...and on...and on...and on...

I quietly backed out of the room - They didn't even notice that I had left.

I went back to folding my laundry and listening. There was a lot more going on than an urgent desire for cleanliness. There were past hurts and slights, feelings of injustice and inequality, laundry lists of old injuries and insults, and a desperate, clutching need to be vindicated. To be right. Because somehow, the one who is right is the one who matters.

And I thanked God.

Because that very morning, I had prayed for insight and wisdom into my own "difficult" relationships. And I felt compassion for my children, and for myself, and for the people in my life that I struggle to show love to, even though I feel love for them.

Sometimes, I get so caught up in past hurts and slights, feelings of injustice and inequality, laundry lists of old injuries and insults and the desperate, clutching need to be vindicated. To be right. Because somehow, if I am right, than I will matter.

And sometimes, as a newly committed Follower of Christ, words like...submission, and serve, and meekness become a hammer that someone who is NOT Christ uses to pound guilt into my soul. And I get confused and think that submission is about a person.

I want to remember that my God is a Mighty, Sovereign God. My God holds not only my life and future, but the future of the world, in His hands. Every person matters to God. My mind cannot conceive the plan's of God. I want to be willing to humble myself before the God of the Universe and freely concede that sometimes I don't get to win, and sometimes I don't get to know why.

And He made known to us the mystery of His Will according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fullfillment-to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one Head, even Christ. In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.
Ephesians 1:9-11

In case you're wondering, the innocent little darlings eventually got a little too willful. And received the blessing of discipline in the form of extra chores. I don't know if they learned a lesson from that, but I got the back porch and patio swept and cleaned, and all the sticks and twigs removed from the yard (2 acres)...all things work together for good!

More or Less?

I know what it is like to feel that God is far away. Unreachable, unattainable. I know what it feels like to ask and not receive, to seek and not find. I know how it feels to wonder..."What am I doing wrong, why can't I find you?" I know how it feels to try, and try, and try...to get to Jesus... and feel like he is slipping farther away. A huge riddle, the kind that when the punch-line comes I can't believe I couldn't figure it out sooner...
but the punch-line never comes.

I know how it feels.

And I can't help but think that the Disciples, who were living and walking with Jesus, felt the same way. It's easy in hindsight, to think that the Disciples and the Jewish people were all terribly simple minded because Jesus was right there and they just didn't see it, or get it.

But I think, that they were very human.

And I think, that after Jesus was crucified and resurrected and the Apostles lay the groundwork for the "Church"...this amazing new Christ-Centered movement... It is easy, again in hindsight, to somehow, elevate them from poor, foolish commoners who couldn't see the forest through the trees...
to unreachable, untouchable, perfect Saints.

It's hard to see them clearly, realistically...and it distorts how I see myself. Or maybe it's the other way around? Maybe my view of the disciples is "either-or" because my view of myself is "either-or". Either I'm am hopelessly unworthy of the presence of God and cannot reach Him, or I am or perfect, without struggles, floating around on the clouds somewhere.

I think sometimes my interpretation of the bible, my life and my relationship with God goes a little awry, when I forget that the Saints...were human.

That they lived every day struggling to come to terms with God and Christ and the Holy Spirit, to get closer, to understand more. That the bible is actually a reflection of their struggle. That what the Authors of the bible are doing is wrestling with the Torah and God and the Spirit and the experience of Christ. Praying about it, Discussing it, journaling it, receiving insight, passing it on...and that the very same Spirit of God who was given to them, has not changed.
Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today and forever (Heb. 13:8).

I am joining in the struggle with the Saints as I pray, read, question, discuss, and draw conclusions and I am not alone in it. Not any more or less alone then Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Peter and Paul.

Is it only because I insist on making them more or less human, that I feel that way?

Is my view that the Authors of the bible have access to some "other", "better" form of the spirit of God than I do, a valid conclusion?

John 14:26
"But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you."

John 16:13
"But when He, the Spirit of Truth, comes, He will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on His own; He will speak only what He hears and He will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring Glory to me by taking from what is Mine and making it known to you. All that belongs to the Father is Mine. That is why I said the Spirit will take from what is Mine and make it known to you."

John 17:17
"Sanctify them by truth; Your word is truth."

Just like Jesus

I woke up early this morning and couldn't get back to sleep, but that didn't stop me from laying there a good long while and trying. There's always plenty to think about when you're trying to sleep. I thought about this...

I'm almost to the end of the Gospels and Jesus did not give me any clear, direct instructions about parenting. Nothing at all about what kind of music I should allow my kids to listen to or what kind of t.v. and movies they should or shouldn't be watching. Nothing about whether I should keep them really busy in sports and activities or slow them down. And what should I do about bad grades, Internet, the Public School System, sex, drugs, Chores? I really wish He would have mentioned something about chores and disgusting bedrooms. I have so many unanswered questions. What kind of rules? What kind of structure? What kind of schedule? And....

What about the "rest of us"....

I think a lot of people know what I mean when I say that.
The rest of us who are divorced or never married with kids by different dads and moms who are not even considering following Christ. The rest of us who have family members and babsitters that take care of our kids, out of neccesity, and they are not nearly as concerned with our kids becoming good Christians as we are. The rest of us who spent a lot of years raising our kids in homes that looked nothing like the homes that are in all the good parenting books. The rest of us who hurt our kids in anger and ignorance and selfishness...and now we want to switch everything up and tell them Jesus said they can't watch MTV. Even those of us who were "Christians"...but not so much.
The rest of us.

And in all those red letters...nothing.
Not a word about a program to get my kids to love Jesus and be good Christians.

And I'm thinking about some really amazing mothers I know, wisdom and experiences they have shared with me, incredible love they shown me.
And I'm thinking about C.S. Lewis and Kathy Guy.
And I'm thinking about Jesus.

These mothers...Kathy,Heather, Sarah, Kristin, Dawn, Miki...model for me unconditional love, strength and wisdom.
C.S. Lewis and Kathy Guy (with infinite patience on her part) opened my eyes to the reality that often times the problem does not lie in the answer or the lack of an answer...but in the question.

Maybe asking Jesus to show me how to get my kids to love him and be good Christians when they grow up... is the wrong question.

Maybe the question is...
How do I bring Jesus to my kids?
How do I love my children as Jesus has loved me?

And maybe it's not even a question...but a decleration.

I will love my kids as Jesus has loved me, as Jesus loves the world.
I will be Jesus to my children.
I will keep looking in, searching those red letters, not for a plan, but for Jesus.
And I will do this with an honest awareness...
that my children may never choose to follow Jesus themselves.

Just like Jesus.

Matthew 19:14
Jesus said "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them..."